Yu-Gi-Oh! Arc-V: How NOT to Control Children
by CrystalChimera
Summary: It's finally time to parody episode 87! Come join me on this crazy train! Welcome to "How NOT to Control Children"!(One-shot, parody rewrite of episode 87, no one is in character, contains spoilers for one of the characters in a MUCH later episode.)


**HOLY FLIP.**  
 ** _ANOTHER_ ONE-SHOT BY CRYSTAL!?**  
 **THE DAY AFTER SHE ALREADY UPLOADED ONE!?**

 **DANG RIGHT READERS.**  
 **AND THIS IS NO NORMAL ONE-SHOT, IT'S A PARODY!**

 **I had started this like...MONTHS ago, only just finished it yesterday. lol**  
 **Enjoy! c':**

* * *

"Ladies and gentlemen!"

It was at that point...that everyone knew this episode was gonna _HURT_.

As we got closer and closer to impending doom, we were greeted with dancing hippos and tooting crow trumpets. Crow and Yuya were having fun, but the cowgirl announcer just thought they were being dumb.

Which...they kinda were...yep, they were idiots.

"Now that there is enough noise to distract everyone, go Yuya! Jump off the track, _hopefully not die_ , and save your friends!"

"Nyah-ha! Good thing I have plot hearing: it allows me to break all laws laid down and hear past really noisy bird tweets and hungry hippos! Don't think you can escape me, Yuya! Time to push the boundaries of 'family friendly' anime as I torture this boy! It shouldn't be a problem as long as people don't remember that he's only 14!"

The fiend, Roget, looked at the control panels before him, lightly tapping the first level of the mind control(?) device's remote. And from that came a horrible yell of pain.

Yuya gripped his helmet from the shock...where was it coming from? Why was it...in his head?

And why did it reminded him of his duel with Eita?

Rodger smiled. "You see, Yuya, I've put a shock device in your helmet, allowing me to control how aggressive you are, and since I didn't have time to mess with your brain itself, this'll have to do. Now Yuya, show the fan what they've been waiting for!"

He laughed like a madman as he cranked the "oh, flip" level up to a five.

 **OH, _FLIP!_**

"Show us a duel that'll give us enough content to hold us over for the next two weeks!"

Yuya yelled once again as he felt the electricity bounce around in the confines of his brain. He gripped his helmet once more and this time doubled over. He could feel this...sudden burst of aggression rise up in him.

" ** _NO SMILES ALLOWED!_** " his brain screamed.

He lost the opportune moment to save his friends, and Crow noticed this. He tried to call out to Yuya, but didn't think that maybe, just _maybe_ , the hungry hungry hippos and Crow Hogan trumpets were _too_ loud.

"YES, _THIS_ is the kind of content we want! Show us more of the berserk side of you, Yuya!"

"Rodger" got up from his chair, smiling madly as he maxed out the input on the control panel.

"Give us a good show!"

Another pained full scream came from Yuya. All of his senses went dull and numb as he fell into a blissful sleep-like state, while something beastly awakened and took his place, as seen when an eye in the sky opened, causing a shadowed city to be destroyed.

Yuri and Yugo both felt the strange sensation, as well as their aggression slowly building up...

 **SUPER FLIP MODE... _ACTIVATE!_**

Yugo stopped dead in his tracks, stopping to think about the source of the sudden pain he felt in his chest. But before he had a chance, he noticed "Clear Wing" was glowing.

Meanwhile, Selena and Yuzu's "plot-spoil detector" bracelets started to flash. Selena didn't know why it was doing that and just left it alone like someone who was avoiding picking up their phone, while Yuzu, on the other hand, knew _EXACTLY_ what was going on.

"Dear lord...someone let the plot out of its cage...I would hate to be the poor sap fighting him," she muttered.

Back at the duel track, the air was filled once more with Yuya's agonizing scream, but this time, Yuri and Yugo joined in as they suddenly felt the shock as well.

When he opened up his eyes, they were glowing with rage.

It was time for the show to get serious.

" **I active the spell card, 'Hungry Hippo Away'! It lets me destroy all hippos on my field, allowing me to draw 2 cards!** "

He swung his arm wide as he grabbed his new cards as his monsters all disappeared, followed by Yuri and Yugo, who did it instinctively.

" **And now, I set the Pendulum Scale with 'Feral Magician' and 'Gentle Magician'!** "

Yuya slammed the two cards down on both edges of the duel disk, thus summoning the two monsters who gracefully rose into position.

" **Swing, Pendulum of my soul! Carve a path of utter destruction! Pendulum Summon! Come forth, my monster servant!** "

A red light flew out from the portal created by the swinging pendulum, the monster being a red-colored dragon with odd-colored eyes. It roared out as it's master chanted its summoning.

" **With the powered granted by Gentle Magician, I can copy the level of a monster on the field to match another!** "

He glanced behind him with his rage-filled eyes, pointing at the monster he had picked.

" **And I choose 'Bora the Birdman'! It now has the same level as my 'Odd-Eyes'!** "

Bora looked confused as it felt its worth grow from a 4, to a solid 7.

" **Now go, 'Odd-Eyes'! Attack 'Bora the Birdman'!** "

The dragon roared out as it turned around to fight the oversized bird.

" **Lay waste to your enemies! Spiral Laser Beam!** "

Odd-Eyes let loose a powerful blast that would've probably cook the monster alive.

" **And at this point, 'Odd-Eyes' effect activates! Whenever it fights someone bigger than it, it can knock that monster down a few pegs! Reaction Force!** "

And with that, 'Bora the Birdman' was cooked, Crow took 1,600 damage thanks to the sudden attack, and Melissa was happy that something of _REAL_ interest was finally happening.

We all probably were.

What? _Smiles?_  
Who needs that when you've got first degree murder?!

Rodger got some more screen time, starting it off with his mad laugh as he basked in the glory of what he had unleashed.

"This is even better than what the fans had anticipated! Now, just continue on like that, get more and more brutal with each turn! Or...as brutal as this show will get you..."

Off-screen, Rodger continued his laughter even though it was highly unnecessary, while Crow was annoyed that the writers set the episode the way they did, just for something like this to happen.

"I thought the point of this episode was to show Yuya saving his friends! I can't believe they left me here to fend for myself! I'm starting to feel that that whole carding process doesn't sound half-bad right around now..."

He drew his cards...even though he really didn't want to.

"If I somehow manage to survive, I'm gonna have a talk with those dang writers after this... Alright, my turn! First I summon 'Hazy Birdy' from my hand."

A purple haze shaped like a bird appeared from its card.

"And when I control one 'Crow Hogan' card, I can special summon the Tuner Monster 'Imp Whirlwind' from my hand."

Out from the card, the small bird spread its wings wide.

"I tune my 'Hazy Birdy' and 'Imp Whirlwind' to Synchro Summon 'Assaulting Rain Shower'!"

The battle-hardened birdman appeared onto the file with grace.

"With him Summoned, I can activate his effect! I can destroy a number of cards my opponent controls up to the number of 'Crow Hogans' monsters I currently control. And with that, you're wide open!"

Assaulting Rain Shower swiped his hand against his blade before swinging a total of three times, one for each card Yuya had. Each one got hit and was destroyed, leaving Yuya open for a direct attack, something that Crow aimed for right afterwards.

The birdman swung once more, this time striking Yuya on the back causing him to loose 2,600 Life Points.

"Crow strikes back!"

 _And the writer of this almost mistook it for a Star Wars reference..._

 _ **"HANS SOLO IS DEA-!"**_

 **MOVING ON.**

"I wish I could do this to the writers for setting me up like this, but sadly, I can't. You'll just have to brace whatever pent-up anger I have for the writers in the meantime, Yuya. O-oh, yeah, and I end my turn."

Yuya was **TICKED**. _**OFF**_. As evident by his really feral sounding growl..snarl...noise thing. Either way, Crystal (the writer) is waiting for Yuya to do something like that again in recent episodes, but so far... _nothing_.

And for a few seconds we head back to Selena and co., who just STOOD there, watching Selena's wristwatch go off. It's set to flash whenever it hits "OH FLIP"" o' clock, which would be now, and the same goes for Yuzu.

"Should I do something or like...? Should the poor sap die or what?"

Tanner (I think is the name of one of the kids there?) and the other kids chanted "Kill the sap!", and Yuzu just shrugged and continued like nothing was happening.

But you know, plot was happening.  
And speaking of which!

After having a shot of Sora looking on and noticed that Yuya started to look like a certain Xyz Scum he knew, Yuya used the effect of some Spell Card to get back his two Magicians.

 _Pretty sure Yami would be proud...very proud._

AND SO, Yuya built the Overlay Network! Yuto felt a little lonely, so he chimed in when he heard his Dragon being called.

AND WITH THEIR POWERS COMBINED, THEY ARE CAPTION PLANET-, _I MEAN_ ZARC-, _I MEAN_...wait wait, let me try this again...

 **AND WITH THEIR POWERS COMBINED, THEY YXZ SUMMON DARK REBELLION!**

And the fanbase went **BERSERK**.

Oh! Get it? Cause Berserk Yu-... _okay, moving on..._

And they had Sora over here, being like " _HOLY FLIP, HE'S GOT THE DRAGON TOO!_ ", and the fanbase's just shaking its head.

DANG SORA, have you been living under a rock or something _FOR THE PAST THIRTY-SOMETHING EPISODES?!_

Let's have a look at the preview, shall we-

*hears the old ending*

Oh...

*starts to tear up*

Oh man...good times...

SIMPLER TIMES...SLIGHTLY LESS SAD TIMES...  
 _(Side note, Crystal didn't really cry and isn't that emotional-)_

So, in short, the preview was really just some good ole Berserk Yu Boy Salad fan-service. 95% of that preview is just all Berserk, and it's great.  
 _(Another side note, IT'S SO FLIPPING WEIRD TO WATCH THE DUBBED VERSION AND THEN SWITCH TO SUB, AND VICE VERSA GOOD LORD._

 _*goes back and watches dubbed version*_  
 _I'M CRINGING AT BOTH VERSIONS AT THIS POINT FOR SOME REASON.)_

* * *

 **Well then, that's that. X"D**  
 **I don't think I'll ever be able to get over naming the Black Wing(?) cards "Crow Hogan" cards. X"D**

 **AND I AM NOT SORRY FOR BRINGING UP THE PART ABOUT CROW BEING CARDED.**  
 _ **I REGRET NOTHING-**_

 **So, is this parody just as good as my other ones? :"D**  
 **Please, leave a review, I wanna hear your thoughts. XD**


End file.
